This week, my Ultra Right-Winged Conservative Step-father gladdly handed me an article that was entitled: Activist voices frustration with sagging pants trend with t-shirt. He knew it would get me fired up, and I think he thought that he could some how win an argument if the news paper called some you-never-heard-of-before poet an activist, and a collection of Government Officials heroes for trying to lead a movement to pass laws to outlaw sagging pants. What it really did was to lead us to answer a philosophical question. Should the government on any level waste their time trying to under-mind the dress of a culture just because the previous generations do not understand it's purpose? Especially if it is already protected by the 1st ammendment of the United States Constitution? The Answer is no. (But Delcambre, Louisiana said yes and passed a law that will fine you $500 and/or put you in jail for 6 months for sagging in public.) And I can tell you why.
I'll try and say this with as little stank as I can so that the Geriatrics who are leading these rallies, potentially wasting our tax dollars on these useless revolts, and wearing their pants so high as to make them waddle, can understand the content of the message. Sagging in its nature is perpetuated by its comfort. I don't want my pants covering my stomach. The 'buttox' and the hips are specifically designed to catch things that are falling off the waist. The abdominal regions are specially created to hold the food we've eaten and, when 'wash-board' like, make special lady friends desire to touch them. My pants should not leave a red mark at my 'waist'. That would be dumb. Tight pants are also very restrictive to the naughty no-no region. You're choking off and killing the saucy swimmers in your Berry-Boys. And that's just plain ungentlemanly.
I honestly wonder if there's a secret conspiracy in the world, by politicians, to make everyone wear three piece suits because they think they have to wear monkey suits to their jobs. I say that we should demand our government officials dress like real people. Require them to dress comfortably so that they're not always on end and aren't so quick to press the kill switch to go to war with every single minute issue that is whined to them by some senile senior in a nursing home.
I understand that kids can often over celebrate the point and rock jeans on their ankles. That's overboard, but you don't need to tell them that. After they trip up and fall on their faces a couple times, they'll buy a belt on their own. We don't need laws to tell us that we shouldn't cause ourselves to fall on our faces.
I need my government officials to spend their time figuring out how to lower my taxes, and how to stop racial injustice. You know, important issues. I personally can tell you, I don't pay your salary for you to bully some kids who are either just trying to fit in, or just trying to make sure they can procreate in the ladder years. We as a society need to quit letting people who waste time on our watch be championed! We need to punish this type of behavior from the government. Take a weeks pay from them. You wasted time banning skateboarding in a park last week, now you can give me a week for free. Do the work I pay you to do, go fix the pot-holes or mend the deficit. Quit making speeches about how pants are ruining our nations youth. It's over pretentious authority figures that disenfranchise the youth and alienate them from society. Indirectly this is what encourages the disobedience and the lack of effort to contribute to society. You can't stop people from being themselves. The article may tell you 'Clothes make the man', but I would argue that the 'Man makes the clothes'. Baggy jeans that dip down a bit don't make you a hoodlum rapscallion or a gang affiliate. It's beyond disappointing that these things make it past a local PTA circles. Let's just let the sagging thing go. There's plenty of worst things that we should make laws against...Like Capri's!! 2's.
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